Category Archives: college sororities

Healthy Relationship Secrets: College Student Success Secrets to be Healthy & Whole

Healthy relationships secrets to help you be healthy and whole. Never fear losing a relationship. Respect yourself and never hold on to a relationship too tight. Be passionate, but don’t allow yourself to be pimped and emotionally manipulated. A healthy relationship starts with a healthy level of self respect, which you must have for yourself. Whenever self respect is diminished or lost, you relationship is no longer healthy.

Invite worldwide speaker and life-changing author Paul F. Davis to speak to your college students about healthy relationships success secrets, breakthrough leadership, overcoming adversity & academic success!
RevivingNations@yahoo.com
407-967-7553

As a counselor and minister who hears countless relationships stories and helps people sort through their relationship challenges, it never ceases to amaze me how quickly people compromise their soul and lose a healthy level of self respect within a relationship.

Self respect is the most vital component within a healthy relationship, without which any relationship (be it personal or professional) will rapidly erode. Whenever you allow yourself to be cheapened and your personhood lessened so as to maintain a relationship with somebody you love, you simultaneously lessen your love for yourself. Without a healthy and proper amount of self love, you quickly can become a doormat and begin to tolerate unnecessary abuse within relationships.

Relational abuse and being taken for granted within a relationship subtly occurs when you lower your standards and stop standing up for yourself. When you quietly tolerate poor behavior and allow people to talk down to you, indirectly (often unbeknownst to yourself) you send a message loud and clear saying that such abuse is alright.

Early on in most relationships a healthy level of respect is the foundational cornerstone, without which there would be no progression, trust, and embracing of one another. In the business world, once trust and a likeness of vision is established, many begin to move in the same direction. When subordination and dehumanization begins to subtly occur however, that is the time to quickly and powerfully address such a character dwarfing tendency, lest it occur more frequently and begin to consistently devalue you as a person.

Unfortunately many find themselves in such unhealthy relationships, but acquiesce for a time because they are not secure in their own identity and fear losing what relationship they have (even though deep down they know it is not healthy and quite frankly bad).

It pains me to see such relationships wherein someone (usually the woman, but not always) is being violated and taken advantage of. The action step that immediately needs to occur to turn the tide is to begin again to respect and stand up for yourself.

Refuse to tolerate being talked down to and disrespected.

As you do, you will reframe the perimeters and expectations within your relationship. By doing so, transformation and a relational restructuring may very well occur as hearts and minds are properly brought back in check and self respect is restored.

If such confrontation does not produce a relational correction, know assuredly it may be time to move on. Guard your heart and life before you find yourself being further dominated and brought under endless strife (both internal and relational).

Love and respect yourself even if nobody else does. Remember you will attract what you are.

Therefore teach people how to respect you and let everyone know what you expect. Truly you can have more in relationships if you refuse to settle for anything less.

Invite worldwide speaker and life-changing author Paul F. Davis to speak to your college students about healthy relationships success secrets, breakthrough leadership, overcoming adversity & academic success!
RevivingNations@yahoo.com
407-967-7553

Paul is an exceptional and frequently requested speaker for college student success, leadership, orientations, and to kickoff college events.

Paul’s 17 life-changing books have landed him celebrity guest appearances on Fox News Radio, Investor’s Business Daily, and 3 times on Oprah & Friends.

After a 45 minute interview on Playboy Radio, Afternoon Advice host Tiffany Granath calls Paul an awesome relational coach and recommends his books on love, dating, and sexuality.

Paul’s academic success & leadership secrets for college students are unparalleled and greatly empowering. Paul has a history of overcoming adversity, building bridges cross-culturally, cultivating diversity awareness, while empowering college students to discover their destiny and live their dreams.

A master in NLP & life coaching; Paul’s humorous, fun, playful and transformative messages graciously challenge college students to ask themselves hard questions and be their personal best.

As a former high-school senior class teacher, Paul understands the challenges facing incoming college students. Moreover Paul personally knows what transfer students go through as he himself attended a community college where he graduated with a 3.8 GPA before entering UCF, where he graduated Cum Laude. As a worldwide professional speaker Paul has touched more than 50 countries and 6 continents, greatly inspiring international students throughout the world.

Paul worked at Ground Zero in NYC during 9/11; helped rebuild a home at the tsunami epicenter; comforted victims of genocide in Rwanda; spoke to leaders in East Timor during the war; inspired students & monks in Myanmar; promoted peace & reconciliation in Pakistan; and has been deep into rural Africa where villagers had never before seen a white man.

Paul empowers people to love passionately, work together globally, and live their dreams fearlessly.

http:///www.PaulFDavis.com

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Filed under academic success, academic success secrets, college sororities, college student retention, college student success, college student success secrets, college student success secrets. college student transition, college student transition, college students, college students overcoming adversity, college students success secrets, college success, college tips, healthy relationships, respect, respect yourself, self-respect

College Student Leadership Success Secrets: Choosing, Serving & Leading Student Campus Associations

My alma mater UCF has a huge amount of student clubs, organizations, associations, fraternities, and sororities. Honestly such an overwhelming amount of social, organizational, and leadership opportunities can be down right mind boggling.

Invite worldwide speaker and life-changing author Paul F. Davis to speak to your college students about success secrets, breakthrough leadership & academic success!
RevivingNations@yahoo.com

If you’re anything like me, you may need some simple steps to help you consider when to begin on your college campus when considering joining a club, organization, or student association.

Here are some secrets for college student success that will serve you when choosing a club, organization, or association.

1. Choose a group based on your personal interests and inner affinity.

Don’t be enamored by the biggest and the loudest group on campus. The most vocal club, organization, or association may not particularly be the ideal fit for you. If big parties and all night craziness is your thing, than perhaps so. However most of us will probably want a little more than just the social element to a college student club, organization, or association.

I suggest reading each club, organization, and association’s vision and mission statement. UCF has an easy to use, college student friendly website at the student union where much of this information can be accessed and easily browsed through.

If your campus isn’t as internet savvy and friendly, visit your student union and get any printouts with such student club, organization, and association information. Every college and university is different, so inquire as to what is available on your campus.

Then based upon your major, interests, hobbies, and desirable career choose a club, organization, or association that works for you.

2. Be friendly, helpful, and listen attentively.

Avoid walking into any club, organization, or association and projecting yourself as the know-it-all. Such a person is rarely welcomed and often immediately ostracized, if not down right alienated from any meaningful interaction.

Enter as the new kid on the block with a heart to help, serve in any capacity, and listen attentively. This attitude and heart will serve you well and always compel people to be friendly to you, while also propelling you to the top because you are likable.

Pleasantries go a long way when pursuing purposeful living with people. Arrogance and pride conversely will kill any momentary progress you may have made and quickly jade and persuade people to turn against you.

Therefore choose to be the likable guy or girl, who is friendly, helpful, and willing to serve however you can.

3. Learn from others older and more polished than yourself.

As I’ve always said, show me your friends and I will show you your future. Association leads to assimilation, both academically and professionally. This is why doctors have to do internships before they begin their professional practice. Being around a skilled and established professional undoubtedly will rub off on you and cause you to learn and pick up things you otherwise would never learn.

Observation and association lead to skillful and professional assimilation, which books alone can never accomplish. Knowledge does not equal know-how. Therefore who you know, esteem, associate, and interact with is extremely important to ensure you continued personal growth and success.

Therefore serve quality people when they surface in your midst. Honor, respect, and nurture relationships with winners who have the ability to impart truths and skill sets to further your own success. Walk with winners and be enlarged to live your dreams and fulfill your destiny.

Remember when the tide of the sea goes up, all ships in the harbor together rise. Therefore do not be intimidated by others success. Honor, celebrate, and learn from those who have preceded you and proven themselves to be successful.

Success can be taught, caught, and generatively passed along like a baton in the decathlon.

Happily put these 3 powerful college student success secrets to immediate use and your life will soon be moving magnificently to the next level.

I look forward to hearing from you concerning your recent success stories and vision for the future.

Invite worldwide speaker and life-changing author Paul F. Davis to speak to your college students about success secrets, breakthrough leadership & academic success!
RevivingNations@yahoo.com
407-967-7553

Paul is an exceptional and frequently requested speaker for college student success, leadership, orientations, and to kickoff college events.

Paul’s 17 life-changing books have landed him celebrity guest appearances on Fox News Radio, Investor’s Business Daily, and 3 times on Oprah & Friends.

After a 45 minute interview on Playboy Radio, Afternoon Advice host Tiffany Granath calls Paul an awesome relational coach and recommends his books on love, dating, and sexuality.

Paul’s academic success & leadership secrets for college students are unparalleled and greatly empowering. Paul has a history of overcoming adversity, building bridges cross-culturally, cultivating diversity awareness, while empowering college students to discover their destiny and live their dreams.

A master in NLP & life coaching; Paul’s humorous, fun, playful and transformative messages graciously challenge college students to ask themselves hard questions and be their personal best.

As a former high-school senior class teacher, Paul understands the challenges facing incoming college students. Moreover Paul personally knows what transfer students go through as he himself attended a community college where he graduated with a 3.8 GPA before entering UCF, where he graduated Cum Laude. As a worldwide professional speaker Paul has touched more than 50 countries and 6 continents, greatly inspiring international students throughout the world.

Paul worked at Ground Zero in NYC during 9/11; helped rebuild a home at the tsunami epicenter; comforted victims of genocide in Rwanda; spoke to leaders in East Timor during the war; inspired students & monks in Myanmar; promoted peace & reconciliation in Pakistan; and has been deep into rural Africa where villagers had never before seen a white man.

Paul empowers people to love passionately, work together globally, and live their dreams fearlessly.

http:///www.PaulFDavis.com

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Filed under academic success, academic success secrets, college sororities, college student retention, college student success, college student success secrets, college student success secrets. college student transition, college student transition, college students, college students overcoming adversity, college students success secrets, college success, college tips

College Student Retention: Success Secrets For College Students, Student Advisors & Deans

College student retention is always on the forefront of the minds of college student advisors, deans, and administrators. Rightfully so, because without college students, colleges and universities cease to exist and the advisors and deans are without a job.

Invite worldwide speaker and life-changing author Paul F. Davis to speak to your college students about success secrets, breakthrough leadership & overcoming adversity!
RevivingNations@yahoo.com
407-967-7553

Therefore retention and academic success is hugely important to ensure the success of a college or university. As a former college student and lifelong learner who frequents college campuses speaking on this topic and occasionally taking some professional development coursework myself, I have observed and come to know a few reasons why colleges fail at retention and why college students become discouraged and leave college.

1. College students are tolerated rather than celebrated.

When the higher-ups in a college take a hierarchal approach to education and treat students like they are beneath them, students feel alienated and become disgruntled. Nobody likes to be mistreated, particularly college students paying high fees to attend a college.

When bureaucrats within college administration, the transcript office, and the student union treat college students disrespectfully rather than serving them gladly, it frustrates college students and tells them the college or university does not care about them.

When colleges treat their students like another number, eventually students opt for a different approach to pursue their career. Students like to be respected too and not made to stand in line excessively to collect documents, books, parking decals and trivial things that to them are meaningless.

2. College students get angry at being nickled and dimed by colleges.

College students quite frankly don’t like paying high tuition fees to attend college, only to later by charged for parking, and than get ticketed for parking in the wrong place when they were running late to class and they was inadequate parking to begin with.

Let’s face the facts. Professors themselves on many college campuses have a hard time finding a place to park. Yet colleges continue to profit by issuing parking tickets. Making students pay $50 to $100 a semester to park is bad enough. Colleges run their parking lots like Disney World, Sea World, and Universal Studios in Orlando, profiting handsomely along the way.

Even worse is when the college intentionally and purposefully pursues issuing parking tickets night and day to collect more revenue for the college. Robbing Peter (or your college students who are already challenged financially) to pay Paul (this being the college) doesn’t endear college students to the academic institution and university. On the contrary, it makes the burning mad and eventually mad enough to consider attending college elsewhere.

3. College students get demoralized when they approach their professor for help and the professor doesn’t give them the time of day, nor an adequate explanation for their problem.

Professors at colleges and universities just working to further their career, collect a paycheck, and publish their latest dissertation or book who don’t give students the time of day leave students feeling demoralized when they are struggling with a class.

Class assignments and college level material comes easier for some students than others. Therefore when a student is struggling and needs some additional time or help, the professor should make himself or herself available to help the student.

Unfortunately many times nowadays college professors just want to communicate via email, that is if they even check their email and reply in time to help the struggling student and answer their questions. Online forums are another method by which professors try to punt and shun students in need of help.

What colleges fail to realize however is students go to college for hands on instruction and interaction with professors, not to be alienated through an online course or partial net based course that keeps professors and college students at arms length.

4. Financial challenges and constraints cause students to withdraw from college.

Colleges aren’t free and students cannot always obtain financial aid. Scholarships are wonderful if a student can get one to go to college, but many students are forced to work a part-time job to survive financially and put themselves through college.

I know I worked a part-time job to put myself through college and rode a bicycle to and from school and work. The sacrifices I made to complete my college education were many.

With the current economic downturn and rising unemployment level, many college students are being laid off from part-time jobs and struggling financially to sustain themselves and pay for their college education.

5. Students withdraw from college when they don’t feel socially connected.

A solid social life wherein a student feels connected to other students on his or her college campus is vital to ensure their success. Emotional support and the comradery of friends who understand them and their struggles empower students to persevere with their college education.

When student advisors, deans, and college administration fail to account for and proactively facilitate the necessary social element that sustains students’ morale, they do themselves and their college a great disservice. Undeniably and undoubtedly, college students want to feel connected and a part of something larger than themselves. Yet it is not a connection to an academic institution per say that they desire as much as it is to their fellow students journeying with them through this season of college life.

Successful colleges therefore don’t just suggest and make social activities and associations available for students, but proactively facilitate and incorporate this into their college’s approach to education early on. By doing so, successful colleges provide every student, including those more shy students with less social initiative the opportunity to be actively engaged and socially interact with other students. This opens the door for meaningful interaction, communication, and the establishing of meaningful friendships among college students on campus. Without such students just fall through the cracks socially, tend to become isolated, and often disappear as they become disillusioned with the whole college experience.

These five reasons are the biggest reasons retention efforts among college students are not succeeding and students are withdrawing from college.

The good news is students and professionals desire to attend college. Most of us value and uphold education. The struggles along the way en route to obtaining a college education and further professional development however when a student steps on a college campus can be irritating and downright frustrating.

Retention coordinators and specialists on college campuses therefore need to urgently and wholeheartedly attend to these matters lest they be the next ones standing in the unemployment line, when college students walk out and say they have had enough.

Invite worldwide speaker and life-changing author Paul F. Davis to speak to your college students about success secrets, breakthrough leadership & overcoming adversity!
RevivingNations@yahoo.com
407-967-7553

Paul is an exceptional and frequently requested speaker for college student success, leadership, orientations, and to kickoff college events.

Paul’s 17 life-changing books have landed him celebrity guest appearances on Fox News Radio, Investor’s Business Daily, and 3 times on Oprah & Friends.

After a 45 minute interview on Playboy Radio, Afternoon Advice host Tiffany Granath calls Paul an awesome relational coach and recommends his books on love, dating, and sexuality.

Paul’s academic success & leadership secrets for college students are unparalleled and greatly empowering. Paul has a history of overcoming adversity, building bridges cross-culturally, cultivating diversity awareness, while empowering college students to discover their destiny and live their dreams.

A master in NLP & life coaching; Paul’s humorous, fun, playful and transformative messages graciously challenge college students to ask themselves hard questions and be their personal best.

As a former high-school senior class teacher, Paul understands the challenges facing incoming college students. Moreover Paul personally knows what transfer students go through as he himself attended a community college where he graduated with a 3.8 GPA before entering UCF, where he graduated Cum Laude. As a worldwide professional speaker Paul has touched more than 50 countries and 6 continents, greatly inspiring international students throughout the world.

Paul worked at Ground Zero in NYC during 9/11; helped rebuild a home at the tsunami epicenter; comforted victims of genocide in Rwanda; spoke to leaders in East Timor during the war; inspired students & monks in Myanmar; promoted peace & reconciliation in Pakistan; and has been deep into rural Africa where villagers had never before seen a white man.

Paul empowers people to love passionately, work together globally, and live their dreams fearlessly.

http:///www.PaulFDavis.com

Leave a comment

Filed under college sororities, college student retention, college student success, college student success secrets, college student success secrets. college student transition, college student transition, college students, college students overcoming adversity, college students success secrets, college success, college tips

Sorority Sisters Conflict Resolution Secrets – College Students Conflict Dispute Resolution to Peace

Sorority sisters conflict & dispute resolution secrets. Resolve conflict with sorority sisters at your sorority house before things escalate and something worse happens. Conquer conflicts and reconcile with sorority sisters to ensure sorority success on your college campus.

Invite worldwide speaker and life-changing author Paul F. Davis to speak to your college students about success secrets, breakthrough leadership, overcoming adversity & conflict resolution!
RevivingNations@yahoo.com
407-967-7553

Do we have to go to court over everything nowadays? Do we not have brains to work things out ourselves? Must we hold grudges for a lifetime? Isn’t there a better way?

Going to court is becoming increasingly costly and often futile. Parties and individuals in conflict are therefore turning to alternative methods of dispute resolution – mediation and arbitration being two options.

Sorority sisters cultivating meaningful bonds and a college association through whom to network into their careers after graduation must learn how to communicate, work together, and move from confrontation to cooperation.

Here are 17 Secrets for Conflict Dispute Resolution for Sorority Sisters to Successfully Peace within and throughout their College Campus:

1. Consider conflict an opportunity not a curse

Conflict is a character building and interpersonal communications improvement opportunity. We all have blind spots, preconceived ideas, personal peculiarities and tendencies that can make us hard to deal with at times. Being able to identify other character types and communication styles is beneficial for sorority sisters, though it may not always be easy to endure at first.

Learn to respond to conflict naturally and with openness. Keep your ears and heart open to receive. In so doing you will disarm the aggressor and show yourself to be a reasonable human being. To do otherwise will only further antagonize the angered party and increase aggression and the erecting of walls between you. Sometimes as sorority sisters listen and ask for more information as to the true source of the conflict, sisters will find perhaps that what seemed to be the initial problem was merely superficial as they dig deeper into the real underlying problem eating at the person. In such situations conflict becomes a learning experience all of the sisters within the sorority, as well as leadership.

2. Respect and don’t reject people regardless of your disagreement

Separate the person from the behavior. Remember we all come from different backgrounds, upbringings and environments that have shaped and molded us to be who we are today. We are all continually changing and evolving. Give sisters grace to grow as they come to a greater level of self-awareness. As you do and sisters discover how gracious you’ve been to them, they will become the most loyal employees you will ever have. This is true empowerment.

3. Acknowledge and confess any contributory negligence

Conflict always begins within. It is often bred within our own hearts and minds as we prematurely judge, falsely assume, erroneously jump to conclusions, and allow ourselves to become overly invested in our individual interests. Purity of heart and mind is obtained when we examine ourselves first before scrutinizing somebody else. We must judge ourselves first. We commonly however judge ourselves by our intentions and others by their actions. This is to say we don’t typically use fair weights, standards and measures when we judge others.

If sorority sisters would be brutally honest with themselves they would find that in every conflict they have somehow contributed to it be through what they have said, done or left unsaid and undone. Neglecting to affirm sisters after work well done is as negligent behavior as them forgetting to get the work done. We all hunger for recognition and praise. Leadership must honor and recognize sisters for their performance. If we don’t recognize, someone else will. To avoid sisters departures from the sorority and high turnover, we must honor and acknowledge sisters’ heartfelt efforts even when they fall short of perfection or our expectation.

Sometimes in the midst of all our efforts to be increasingly productive and profitable, we are not personable and can be offensive to our sisters. Recognize such times and apologize for being that way. By acknowledging and apologizing for wrong doing sisters leading the sorority are taking responsibility and encouraging everyone all sisters to be responsible. Confession brings freedom. Suddenly you will find many people begin to humble themselves and confess their own faults. It won’t be long before everyone is reconciled and bonding again. Rest assured when this happens sorority sister morale and productivity will skyrocket. Where sorority sisters feel well they work well.

4. Step into greatness by overcoming evil with good

Forgive and extend a chance to be reconciled. After World War I the United States proved to be a society with enormous confidence in its achievements and in its future wherewith it mustered the dedication and the resources to strive for a world order in which defeated enemies would be conciliated, stricken allies restored, and adversaries converted. Because the United States took the higher ground endeavoring to reconcile, restore and convert its enemies after defeating them, it is today a world super power.

The stronger you are, the more gentle you can afford to be. Gentleness is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of true strength. When you overcome evil with good, it disarms the wrongdoer to be transformed after which they are more likely to live up to your ideals and level of integrity.
5. Formulate what you want to say and how you will say it

Remember it is not only what you say, but how you say it. The manner and tone by a sister expresses herself will determine the level of receptivity with which she is received. Receiving constructive criticism is never easy, but it can be bearable if the sister giving it is kind, affirming and sincere. Start up soft, affirming the sister’s good qualities and your working relationship before proceeding to find fault and correct. Build on strengths and proceed from a place of agreement. Compliment and praise before providing constructive criticism.

6. Value internal security over external security and acceptance

Be confident and congruent with what you say in conflict. Don’t waver because of resistance or lack of acceptance. Be true to yourself. Avoid personalizing rejection concerning sorority decisions and objectives. Separate yourself personally from the sorority at large, when necessary to show each sister you genuinely care. Provide a personal pep talk when needed and useful to build a downcast sister feeling rejected.

7. Avoid premature assumptions

Premature and erroneous assumptions dwarf you, hinder employee morale and diminish the company. Don’t believe it is so until you have first heard it from the horse’s mouth. Avoid gossiping. Get things out in the open and speak face to face respectfully. Remember presumption is the great transgression (Psalm 19:12-13).

Before the days of U.S. President Reagan and Russian President Gorbachev’s relationship, inherent ideologies and perceptions kept us apart. Communist ideology was at the heart of Stalin’s approach to the world. Stalin regarded the Western capitalist powers as irrevocably hostile. The friction between the Soviet Union and America was therefore not the product of some misunderstanding or faulty communications between Washington and Moscow, but inherent in the Soviet Union’s perception of the outside world.

George Kennan, an expert on Russia, examining the philosophical and conceptual framework for Stalin’s foreign policy found in Russian rulers fear. At the bottom of the Kremlin’s neurotic view of world affairs is the traditional and instinctive Russian sense of insecurity. To this was added, as Russia came into contact with the economically advanced West, a fear of more competent, more powerful, more highly organized societies. But this latter type of insecurity was one which afflicted Russian rulers rather than Russian people.

8. Speak with positive expectation believing the best

Stating your feelings and desire with positive expectation pulls people to the level of performance you desire. For example, “Sister Sally, you’ve always done a great job of giving your all in every account. As of late however you seem to not quite be yourself. Is there anything I can do to help? I desire to see you succeed and be your personal best. Know I am fully committed to you as you are to this company.” Affirming a sister and your expectations of their success will endear a sister to you and cause them to want to live up to the sorority’s wishes.

You get what you expect. Henry Kissinger, in his Diplomacy book, recognized the part faith played in the United States rise to becoming a global power. President Truman proclaimed his doctrine as “the policy of the United States to support free peoples who are resisting attempted subjugation by armed minorities or by outside pressures.” The Truman Doctrine marked a watershed because once America had thrown down the moral gauntlet, the kind of Realpolitik Stalin understood best would be forever at an end.

Anchored to a platform of social and economic reform, the United States announced that it would oppose not only any government but any organization that impeded the process of European recovery.

Only a country as idealistic, as pioneering, and as relatively inexperienced as the United States could have advanced a plan for global economic recovery based solely on its own resources. …Great enterprises are often driven by a touch of naivete.

9. Practice active listening, offering reflections

Listen attentively and reflect back what you are hearing the person saying. Reiterate and seek to clarify that you are hearing correctly. By doing so, you give a sister an opportunity to double her feedback to you and accurately convey both her thoughts and feelings. Provide inclusive summaries stating your take on what a sister is saying (according to your interpretation) after you’ve fully heard them.

Follow the emotional heat alongside the content being mentioned. Intense emotional tones accompany the most important content clueing you in on where you need to place additional emphasis and attention. Upon locating the emotional heat, ask for more information and investigate further while proceeding with sensitivity.
 
Proactive listening is accompanied with nonverbal cues and body language that affirm your genuine interest. For example, you could lean forward attentively. Avoid folding your arms as if to display disinterest or disagreement. Nodding your head also shows a sister you are genuinely absorbing and taking in all that is being said by her. This is not to say you have to necessarily agree with what you are hearing, but by listening you can affirm the person. Highlight the choice points you heard made throughout the conversation and welcome any suggestions to alleviate the conflict. This will often open up a sister to likewise hear from you in regard to the matter.
10. Prefer and encourage cooperation and collaboration over competition

AOL’s negotiator, David Colburn, showed what can be done when he chose not to vilify the competition. I first studied this landmark case prepared by Professor James Sebenius with the author while studying Strategic Negotiation and Dealmaking at Harvard Business School.

AOL”s relationship with Microsoft was overwhelmingly hostile during the browser wars. In the early 1990’s, Paul Allen, co-founder of Microsoft, had been the single largest shareholder in AOL with a 29% stake. Allen wanted to take over AOL but was stopped in his tracks by Steve Case CEO of AOL. At the time, Bill Gates turned up the heat on Steve Case, telling him: “I can buy 20% of you or I can buy all of you. Or I can go into this business myself and bury you.” Two months later Microsoft unveiled MSN and became AOL’s most formidable direct competitor. Gates was demonized within AOL and a hostile relationship developed between the companies.

The media and information technology journalists had dubbed AOL the Internet for slow learners. Steve Case desperately wanted to license the Navigator browser because a link to Netscape would gild AOL’s tarnished technological image.

AOL’s lead negotiator, David Colburn, who had only joined the firm in September 1995, was not hostile toward Microsoft. Colburn therefore was able to look for the better deal for AOL and assess what the market had to meet AOL’s needs. As it turned out Colburn brilliantly did some double dealmaking with both Netscape and Microsoft. AOL would pay Netscape a significant per copy fee to license Navigator which would become the “preferred” browser for AOL subscribers under a non-exclusive agreement. In return, AOL would have a prominent presence on the Netscape website and both companies would engage in cross-promotional activities. That day AOL stock rose 10%.

The very evening AOL inked a much bigger deal with Microsoft. AOL would not have to pay Microsoft a penny for Explorer – saving it millions. AOL client software would be bundled with Windows 95 allowing costless distribution to 50 million PC users a year. This free distribution and promotion via Windows represented a marketing coup because, until now, AOL had had to spend $40-$80 to attract each new subscriber.

MSN suddenly became a casualty of the AOL-Microsoft deal. Demonstrating daring strategic flexibility, Gates sacrificed much of his firm’s investment in MSN to fight Netscape’s threat to Microsoft’s core assets. The biggest win for Microsoft was that Explorer would be the virtually exclusive “default” browser for AOL’s rapidly growing subscriber base. Shutting Netscape out of this large market segment was a triumph not to be underestimated.

Cooperation does not mean an end to competition. As for our differences, we will not do away with them, but we can deal with them more constructively and creatively to build win-win relationships.

Conflict resolution is about facilitating and sustaining daily cooperation. Interpersonal conflict that we encounter every day can seem to be an insurmountable obstacle: attacks and counterattacks, anger and suspicion, ingrained habits of hard bargaining, interests that appear irreconcilable, and efforts to win through intimidation and power plays. Cooperation and collaboration on the other hand can stimulate creativity, increase profitability, lead to profound results and produce lifelong partnerships among sisters in the sorority.
11. Practice diplomacy

Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else have your way. Women are great at this. One grandmother advised her grand-daughter: “Make him run after you until you catch him.”

You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. Learn how to frame an issue to favor your opponent’s objectives and appear most suitable to them. This is how you build win-win relationships and forge partnerships that endure within your sorority.

Make the sisters within your sorority feel it is in their best interest to work with you and that it is their highest privilege to do so. Remind the sisters of how they will benefit from their heartfelt contribution, remembering every sister wants to advance her own interests simultaneously while serving the sorority.
12. Focus on problem solving and welcome outside input

As a sorority sister, you are either part of the problem or part of the solution. Be honestly open to accept influence and consider another sister’s position. Reflect such openness in your body language when listening. Albert Einstein said: “It is people who make me seasick-not the sea. But I’m afraid that science is yet to find a solution for this ailment.” Solutions come when we actively pursue them together rather than fight one another. We all have blind spots and different perspectives. When we work together we all see more clearly and become more powerful. None of us are as strong as all of us.

13. Remember in conflict you can win a battle and lose the war.

Albert Einstein said: “As long as there will be man, there will be wars.”
War is becoming an increasingly expensive and inconclusive way of handling acute conflicts. In an age of deadly weaponry, even bitter enemies must often learn to work together in order to survive.

Henry Kissinger in his book Diplomacy cites the aftermath of World War I. Once war had been declared, and as the streets of European capitals filled with cheering throngs, the conflict ceased being a conflict of chancelleries and turned into a struggle of the masses. After the first two years of the war, each side was stating terms incompatible with any notion of equilibrium.

What proved beyond everyone’s imagination was that both sides would win and lost at the same time: that Germany would defeat Russia and seriously weaken both France and England; but that, in the end, the Western Allies, with America’s indispensable assistance, would emerge as the victors. The aftermath of World War I was social upheaval, the enemy being strengthened geopolitically, ideological conflict, countless young men’s lives sacrificed and another world war.

14. Celebrate diversity and authenticity – diversity in thought, expression, professionalism, problem solving, interpersonal communication and way of life

Einstein said further: “Common convictions and aims, similar interests, will in every society produce groups that, in a certain sense, act as units. There will always be friction between such groups-the same sort of aversion and rivalry that exists between individuals…. In my opinion, uniformity in a population would not be desirable, even if it were attainable.”

15. Cultivate a culture of peace and preferring one another

By cultivating a culture of peace, patience, and tolerance for every sister will be the result. Where there is patience, unconditional love and acceptance is not far behind. Such an environment makes sisters feel safe, thrive, come alive and be increasingly creative and productive for the good of the sorority.

By preferring one another over ourselves, we give way to a spirit of generosity and brotherhood which causes a team mentality to arise. Less of me more of we. When we think like this the organization’s well being as a whole is thought of before that of the individual. Ask not what your sorority can do for you, ask what you can do for your sorority. Win-win relationships and interactions are then forged which bring about mutually inclusive benefits for all.
16. Maintain a sense of humor and unconditional acceptance

As successful marriages show us, you don’t have to always resolve your disagreements and conflicts to thrive. When you welcome people into your world they bring their peculiarities and problems along with them. Where there are no oxen the stall is, but much increase comes by the strength of the ox. Sometimes you have to accept people as they are, realizing they may never change.

Matters of personal preference do not need to take preeminence in your working relationship. As the old adage goes there are many ways to skin a cat. Each of us prioritize differently. Keep things in their proper place and don’t unnecessarily take offense at another’s approach, manner of reasoning or way of logically (or illogically) processing a situation. Life is to be lived and enjoyed. Employ your sense of humor and unconditional acceptance of others and you will get far greater results and work productivity from your staff at the end of the day. Sisters want to be acknowledged as individuals apart from their performance. Problems are inevitable. Celebrate and empower sisters despite their peculiarities and occasional mistakes. As you do and show yourself forgiving, you will see sisters go the extra mile for you to solve the sorority’s problems.

Don’t take yourself too seriously. Have a good laugh to diffuse the tension, disarm people and reunite with all involved.

17. Be merciful

Anyone can hold a grudge. It takes a quality person to rise above the offense, extend mercy and overlook it. Practice the art of pardoning and refuse to hold past resentments. Forgive and live!

Bitterness is a heavy burden that eats away at everyone involve and further spreads to infest all around you. It’s not worth carrying or perpetuating. As Shakespeare acknowledged mercy is twice blessed. It blesses the sister that gives it and the recipient that takes it.

Invite worldwide speaker and life-changing author Paul F. Davis to speak to your college students about success secrets, breakthrough leadership, overcoming adversity & conflict resolution!
RevivingNations@yahoo.com
407-967-7553

Paul is an exceptional and frequently requested speaker for college student success, leadership, orientations, and to kickoff college events.

Paul’s 17 life-changing books have landed him celebrity guest appearances on Fox News Radio, Investor’s Business Daily, and 3 times on Oprah & Friends.

After a 45 minute interview on Playboy Radio, Afternoon Advice host Tiffany Granath calls Paul an awesome relational coach and recommends his books on love, dating, and sexuality.

Paul’s academic success & leadership secrets for college students are unparalleled and greatly empowering. Paul has a history of overcoming adversity, building bridges cross-culturally, cultivating diversity awareness, while empowering college students to discover their destiny and live their dreams.

A master in NLP & life coaching; Paul’s humorous, fun, playful and transformative messages graciously challenge college students to ask themselves hard questions and be their personal best.

As a former high-school senior class teacher, Paul understands the challenges facing incoming college students. Moreover Paul personally knows what transfer students go through as he himself attended a community college where he graduated with a 3.8 GPA before entering UCF, where he graduated Cum Laude. As a worldwide professional speaker Paul has touched more than 50 countries and 6 continents, greatly inspiring international students throughout the world.

Paul worked at Ground Zero in NYC during 9/11; helped rebuild a home at the tsunami epicenter; comforted victims of genocide in Rwanda; spoke to leaders in East Timor during the war; inspired students & monks in Myanmar; promoted peace & reconciliation in Pakistan; and has been deep into rural Africa where villagers had never before seen a white man.

Paul empowers people to love passionately, work together globally, and live their dreams fearlessly.

http:///www.PaulFDavis.com

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